Ladies and gents, we have a night waker.
It sure does sound like I'm describing a zombie (though he may like act one especially when he screams for attention at night), but I'm just stating the facts. Jerome and I haven't had a good night's sleep in a year. Though we really aren't the before midnight kind of sleepers too, we both haven't enjoyed uninterrupted sleep since Alonzo came along. And by uninterrupted, I mean no whining, no loud cries, no screaming, no fist on your face, no foot kicking action on your back kind of uninterrupted.
He's quite a handful when he's half awake. REALLY.
But he's so different when he's awake. He's really this smart charming boy ready to give us a smile the moment we wake up. We can't complain of how good natured he is with other people, cause he basically has two reactions for them: happy playful or none at all. What he is when he sleeps is definitely the exact opposite when he's awake. Besides crying for his food, the remote and his "number twos" he barely cries too.
I've read tons of articles about sleep training. We've considered Babywise and the Crying It Out method just recently, but both to no avail. Sometimes I really feel that by being the giving parent, I actually end up being the worst kind of parent there is. On top of that, I feel like I'm failing my husband too.
This morning I found myself researching on night waking for the nth time. And I felt a subtle rebuke. By reading those things online I only fueled my worries more. I ended up envying other mothers who have angel like babies who sleep through the night. I knew something's wrong here. When I had a question I turned to the internet.
But I forgot to turn to God.
After reading a forum thread by stressed out moms like me, I just said no more. Then I prayed. I should have started with that shouldn't I?
For the past year I have placed the caring of my child in my own hands. Stocking up on knowledge here and there just so I "know" how to raise him properly. But I realized that more than "knowing" -which of course could only go up to a certain extent- why don't I start "trusting?"
Trusting in myself that I can be a good wife and mom, and that I am capable of making good decisions. Trusting in the fact that Alonzo will learn to sleep on his own, just like how he will learn to talk and walk in the right time. And of course, trusting in God that He, from now on, will take the lead in this parenting journey.
I was really tired and was almost at the brink of desperation up until I lifted up my worries to God this morning. My fears and tears were immediately replaced with the joy to patiently wait on His next move.
We will still have a night waking baby tonight, but we will be fine. Besides, all is good when he gives us that "gigil" face when we wake up tomorrow.
